I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
