i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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