Buhtt sex?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
