I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
