Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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