Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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