i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
