sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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