your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
