So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
