No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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