Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
