ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
