We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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