I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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