I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
