I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
