every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
