It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
