You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
