Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
