4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
