Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
