We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
