if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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