i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
