life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
