allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
