We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
