As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
