Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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