if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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