yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
