you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she peed on how many people?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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