Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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