They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
