the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
