I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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