I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
