I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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