Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
