At least make sure they are 18
Why
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
