i jhust puked up my retainher.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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