i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
