Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
