party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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