addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When are your genitals available?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
