Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
