I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
