Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
