are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
