2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
