i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
