mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
