nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
