Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
