Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
