I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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