you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
