I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
