Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
