hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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