ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
