Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
