She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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