Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
