are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
