This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
