4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
