Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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