I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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